OBSCURE SHIT!!

hmm..didnt know wat to put up next on my blog..so decided to let the world see my crappy short story written in aprox. 20 minutes under pressure for submission as part of creative writing..here goes..

What Women Want


Every man has in some point of his life wracked his grey cells for an absolute answer to the evergreen question—What do women want? Many philosophers, scholars, doctors and even psychologists have tried to solve the mystery behind the whole façade of the oh-so-coveted confident and, may I add, conceited persona of a woman [I ask pardon from all feminists]. It's sad but true that men never seem to really understand what "we'' women want probably because we ourselves are yet to figure that one out….

Well for all you men reading this, I am not here to answer any heart wrenching questions regarding how to satisfy your women…I am here to tell you about the decisions men make to fulfill women, to reach what they think is heaven on earth only to find out that it was a mere illusion much like a Microsoft screensaver…

Pheroze, our man, the average Arabic male, with his blazed complexion and ferociously tempting looks he was always a head turner and desirable. As a teenager he recalled all his friends talking about marrying this really beautiful princess—mush like the Arabian nights story, but Phizi [a shorter version of his name acquired because of his frizzled hair] always wanted something more out of life. He never seemed to be content and people say its hard to ever satisfy women… well lets not deviate from our story now, shall we? All right… So! Where were we… Ah! Our little Phizi is no longer a teenager he is now an adult very much allowed to visit a pub without any identification and also allowed to watch all those X-rated movies he longed to see as a child [not that he didn't sneak into the theatre quietly many a times]… Let me tell my own story says Phizi so over to him…

I was a peaceful soul never quarreled much except the usual once a week fights at the pub, my financial status was pretty much secure as I had a steady income being a cab driver. So, once I achieved everything in life—which is mostly nothing—I decided it was time to get married…

And the girl of my dreams was at present standing right in front of me shaking her belly like the head of an angry cow. No, she was not a raving lunatic… she was just earning her living as a belly-dancer.

Her name was Shanaz. She was god's gift to mankind perfect in all respects and I mean all respects in the eyes of a man. I was her most loyal audience. Even on Muslim holy days I made it a point to watch her perform. When others were busy reading the Koran here I was transfixed by her feminine grace and sensuous movements. I always wanted to talk to her but once her performance was over she disappeared—probably to some fairy land where she lived with her other angel-like friends.

Then one gloomy Wednesday afternoon as I was picking up my neighbors kid I found my angel Shanaz standing there clad in a blue burkha looking, as always, mind blowing, leading the children towards their parents… Yes, you are right. She was the teacher. She doubled during the day as a prep school teacher. This was it the chance of a life time and I had to utilize it. So I walked up to her with every little bit of confidence I could feign and there she was beaming with her lovely smile, "Why hello!'' I muttered.

"Hello," she, continuing to flash her smile, said "aren't you the guy who comes for all my shows?"

I shyly said, "Yes. I haven't missed one from the first time I saw you perform."

She looked pleased and almost broke into a laugh while saying "That's really flattering but I think this place is not appropriate to discuss my alter ego."

Her words were like honey to my ears and I immediately asked her out for a cup of Arabic chai. That's how it all began we kept meeting regularly after that and then she told me about her family and her four sisters who lived miles away from their workplace, the school since all four of them were teachers. I, out of genuine concern and intentions to become closer to Shanaz, offered to help commute the four sisters to and from school. She was more than pleased with me and even planted a slight peck on my cold cheeks.

Thus, I became a household figure for Shanaz and her folks. I thought now the time was right to make my move and so I proposed marriage to Shanaz. She was happy initially but then her smile faded and in a regretful tone she said, "I love you a lot but can't marry you,"

I was devastated. Then she went on to say "It's not you—it's me. I just can't You know very well abbu is no more so ami wants us four sisters to always be close to her. So when we all came of age she called us to her room and made us promise her that none of us will ever fall in love and get married but will marry the same man so that he can stay with us and we can all be united. She said four men and four women in the same house will only lead to adultery and complication, I know it's would be really mean of me to expect you to marry my sisters just for my joy, I cannot be so selfish I love you too much for that."

It was the longest night of my life I kept pondering over what Shanaz had said and finally made my way to the pub. There I was amidst men totally under the influence of alcohol. I immersed myself in a harak [the strongest drink available]

My drinking buddies were full of enthusiasm and were happy for me, even the quietist of our group Araf came over to me and said "Man are you lucky or what… here I am struggling to get one girl and kuddha has blessed you with four women!"

There I was slowly lured into the idea of enjoying four really enticing women. So I thought to myself, This is what Shanaz wants not me, so I am innocent… Women are strange… Anyway I didn't really want to get into that.

I woke up the next day with a bad head ache but the first thing I did was go visit Shanaz and tell her I was really willing to marry the four sisters. So the nikah was fixed and since for some odd reason our religion permits polygamy here I was getting married to four woman clad in strange brightly colored clothes. Everything seemed beautiful that day the thought of being able to finally have Shanaz as my own and yes, the four sisters filled me with an unusual pleasure. After the grand fest, we finally retired and as I was walking towards the upper chamber I heard my wife.

Oh! Wives having their first quarrel. Yes the first of the many that was to follow and the topic of discussion was well the obvious… The question of the first night… oh Allah! What have I got myself into...